I USED TO WRITE A LOT 

There are a lot of words I would use to describe myself, and writer is certainly not one that initially comes to mind.  At this point in my life, I could list 50 activities I’d rather be doing at any given moment than sitting down writing. The fact I can say this is unfortunate. Writing has piqued my intellectual curiosity. It’s made people smile, laugh, and cry. It’s brought clarity and understanding to situations that often seem insurmountable. Writing’s been a buddy of mine, without a doubt, yet I consistently try to shut it out of my life.

I used to write to immortalize memories. When I studied abroad in France after my freshman year, I excitedly kept a blog throughout the experience. I still go back and peruse the blog if I ever need a chuckle. One of my favorite stories came from my awkward introduction to my host family:

To this day, I’m glad that I decided to take a little extra time out of my trip to write down my thoughts. It was such a great experience that from that point on I decided I was going to create a travel blog. I’ve gone on a number of incredible trips since France, but for whatever reason, have not followed through on the travel blog idea. I haven’t even written a single post. I still make sure to commemorate my experiences, but I now opt for pictures over words. Pictures are powerful and more instantly gratifying, but I can’t help but be disappointed by this shift. I’ve identified three primary drivers behind the fact that I no longer choose to spend my free time writing:

1. My personal value for alone time has depreciated

2. My quantity of personal writing is inversely related to my level of happiness

3. I’d rather go out and drink

In general, these three points are indicative of one larger trend - an overall personality shift from that of an introvert to an extrovert. The first twentyish years of my life I turned to myself for consultation and guidance. Writing was one of the many manifestations of this. As I eventually figured out that there are many individuals wiser than myself, I now turn to others, and with this comes a preference for oral communication and advice-seeking in the place of exclusive introspection. This explains #1. As for #2, I’m just generally happier on a day to day basis. Until late in my junior year, my thoughts were clouded - sometimes subconsciously, other times overtly - by the fact that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. While I of course can’t say what the remainder of my life will look like, I’ve done a decent job of figuring things out to a calming degree. This all adds up to a simple equation:

My use of writing as a means of figuring things out

+

The fact that I’ve had very little to figure out

=

Less writing

In times of personal turmoil, I have often turned to writing to synthesize and rationalize my current mindset. It has always helped, but I haven’t found myself in a position like this in a very long time. Still, it’s important for me to remember just how important a role writing has played in helping me progress beyond tough situations. A couple key examples come to mind.

First, there was a time when writing helped me cope with a falling out I had with one of my best friends in high school, Ben. Our friendship had been so strong in the past that I was blind to his numerous shortcomings. Until I started writing, I was unable to see just how cancerous his influence often was. Paragraphs like this greatly helped me rationalize our growing distance:

This complete synthesis of our relationship helped me accept that I was probably doing the right thing in moving away from Ben. Upon completion of this essay, I sent it to him and he was able to understand why things had changed so much between us. Since, we have been able to re-establish our friendship in a manner conducive to a better lifestyle. I can honestly attribute this progress to the power of written word. Examples like this have proven just how powerful writing can be.

I SHOULD START WRITING AGAIN

Due to my more extroverted tendencies of late, I don’t find myself writing very much. I’ve decided that’s going to change though, and I’m starting with my Capstone project about my failed startup “UpGrade”. Here’s the story:

When I came up with the idea for UpGrade, I was naively convinced I had dreamt up the next big thing. It was my number one priority and I spent hours of free time developing models, fostering connections, and building my business. This exceptional motivation to succeed was fleeting though. The framework to incorporate was loosely there, but it was evident I was going to have to work a lot harder than I currently was. At this critical point, my team members became less committed for a number of reasons, we were rejected from a number of competitions and grants, and I started partying instead of working. By the new year, I wanted to throw the whole thing away and never think of it again. My lack of dedication filtered over to my teammates and they soon abandoned the project. I was far less than capable of making progress on my own and UpGrade has been forced to take a sabbatical.

Throughout the process, I dealt with adversity in the following manner. When I struggled to focus and couldn’t work hard for extended periods of time, I would go out for a release. I would generally drink too much, get hungover, and be unable to sufficiently focus the next day. This would make even more frustrated, I would seek a release, and go out again. This cycle continued for a while, and it was a major reason I was unable to achieve entrepreneurial success. I’m very frustrated by how disappointing UpGrade has been, but I’m not going to put that failure on the back burner any longer. I’m gonna write about it.

WRITING INTO MY FUTURE

My project is a synthesis of everything I did wrong throughout the process. Additionally, it provides tips for future student entrepreneurs looking to not make the same mistakes as me. Here’s a brief excerpt from my about page:

Synthesis like this, albeit brief, helps me feel immensely better about the entirety of the situation. I’ve addressed UpGrade’s utopic, and subsequently bleak past. I’ve come to peace with every bit of disappointment that’s transpired. Finally, I’ve dreamt up a way I can actually make this happen in the future. I now find myself in a unique position to make UpGrade happen given how much I’ve learned from my past mistakes. For this, I have writing to thank.

In the past, writing has done nothing but good and today it’s done the same. I’m going to use this as a model going into the future. I’ll be transitioning into the real world in only a few short months, and writing surely can play a role in preparing myself for the challenge that presents. Each and every one of my unique interests, friends, and experiences have given me the vision to have tremendous ambition. Some degree of failure will surely come alongside my lofty aspirations, and I must remember how destructive it can be to turn to partying at times of adversity. Not to say I’ll be able to avoid all vices - I definitely won’t. But a healthy dose of writing for catharsis has the ability to make my future exceptionally bright.